Getting sexually attracted is not love. It’s a special feeling, and it’s needed, but in marriage, with time, it changes in importance and is not the driving force anymore. So, for a long marriage, an important variable is how you two resolve conflicts that always arise in a marriage, like in any relationship. In my long life, I learned to marry a partner who resolves problems with faith and not out of fear. When a person tries to fix an issue out of fear, they raise their voice, interrupt you when you talk, and do not let you finish your point. They first disagree with you, and only after a lengthy discussion might they agree.
That fear is not of you. It was created in their past—in their childhood, at
school where roommates bullied them, or maybe with parents who didn’t give them enough recognition, whatever the cause Over a lifetime of marriage, what a partner is supposed to contribute to the relationship changes. Physical, sexual attraction and physical appearance become less relevant with time, and
new needs in the relationship arise. Sexual attraction keeps a couple “in love,” usually during courtship, and is the driving force in the relationship until they tie the knot. Then, there is a home to take care of and budgets to adhere
to, and when a child is born, there is a need for being a good, attentive, and supportive parent. When the kids leave the nest, we need a partner to converse with, to share experiences with, and to be supportive as we age.
It is not easy to find a suitable long-term partner. Finding a lifetime partner is probably the most important decision one can make in life and should not be made just because “we are in love.” Read More
